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In today's society, in more and more homes, we find a changing roles or an inverted hierarchy, where the one who rules at home is not the father or the mother, but the son. This change causes a problem of coexistence, is a source of conflicts and causes serious problems in the future for our children.
When children rule more than parents at home, the family hierarchy must be redirected.
Children are the focus of the family, their will comes first, the daily routines They revolve around them, the afternoons are adapted to their activities, the weekends are planned to their liking and whim, the TV is always on a children's channel, conversations are interfered with by them, we adapt the holidays to the children, even the menus are conditioned by them.
Our son perceives that life at home revolves around him, that he is the protagonist of his own story. Their will comes first, they somehow impose their law.
We are facing the "Emperor Syndrome", this syndrome affects many children today. A change is taking place in the family structure, a alteration in roles, instead of being the parents who carry the authority, it is the children who "take the reins" of the day to day
Why is this inverted hierarchy a serious problem? What consequences does it have for the child's future?
The authority in the home fulfills a educational work of vital importance for their future, to train people independent, self-sufficient and socially accepted. We speak of a formative authority, to educate in respect.
The authority and love fraternal have to go hand in hand, they are linked. Authority is not synonymous with power, we do not have power over children, but authority over them, which is granted to us to educate and guide them until maturity. Properly defining the roles in the family and having each one play his will make them overcome the egocentric stage that the child goes through.
It is a way of teaching understand society where we live, where hierarchy plays an important role. If you internalize the roles and hierarchies in your family, it will be easy for you to transfer what you have learned to your adult life together.
For there to be a family balance, there must be a solid hierarchical structure, the adult guides the child and the child this gives him security and confidence.
How can we redirect the family hierarchy? How can we adopt the roles that correspond to each one of us? How can we help our child overcome his self-centeredness?
1- We need to work on empathy in them, that is, to put ourselves in the place of their parents, their siblings. Telling them our needs, desires, feelings, how our day has gone.
2- Teach them to tolerate and control their frustrations, explaining that you cannot always do what you want when you want. That frustration will help you overcome your self-centeredness.
3- Schedule some rules of coexistence and that everyone must respect them.
4- Establish some routines that the parents will direct and guide, not the children. That will give them security and confidence on a day-to-day basis.
5- Agree between all how we will enjoy free time as a family, each one will tell the others their wishes and desires, each time the plan chosen by one will be made. So we will teach them know how to conform and give in.
Hierarchies and roles come given by nature innately (In the pack there is a leader who guides others and they feel protected by him, he transmits security to them). Nature is very wise, let's learn from it.
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