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There is much written about bullying and about how we can support our son if he is being the victim of some kind of physical, verbal or psychological abuse by his classmates at school or in some other place where he may be facing this type of aggression; Nevertheless, little is said about those who exercise this type of abuse: of the abusive children or youth who give rise to these situations.
What is behind children who bully? What are the causes of a child bullying others? Most importantly, what can parents do to help you?
It is difficult that as parents of these children we can be completely oblivious to the fact that our child is aggressive or abusive towards someone else. Many times the signs are evident in his treatment of the house pet, with his little brothers, when he invites someone home and is imposing and rude, when they refer to someone continuously in a derogatory and mocking way ... or when we receive a call from the school letting us know that there is a bullying situation in which he is the protagonist.
It is important to everyone know those factors that determine that a child may have these behaviors: What are the causes of a child becoming an aggressor?
1. Violence within the family: It is very common for abusive children to come from a violent family dynamic; If they grow up in an environment where violence and verbal, physical or psychological abuse is experienced closely, whether between their parents, from their parents towards them, or from a brother or uncle, it is a reality that they will learn to follow these patterns and / or you will find in bullying a way to vent your own feelings of insecurity, anguish and contained anger.
2. Set a bad example: If children see that their parents express themselves contemptuously of others, are not very sensitive to others, have fun naming names and laugh at the failures of others, surely that model will lead to their own relationships. There are even parents who find it fun to laugh and make fun of some of their children's classmates together and then wonder why their child ended up in a bullying problem.
3. Lack of limits: Children who are used to always having what they want, never getting frustrated, pushing boundaries without consequence, yelling, insulting and hitting without anything happening, it is very possible that they will go further.
4. Exposure to violent content: It goes without saying that exposure to video games that are more aggressive and violent every day, to movies or television programs, without supervision, can be generators of aggression in children and young people.
5. Bad Friends: Sometimes certain friendships can have a detrimental influence on the behaviors of children and young people who begin to imitate aggressive behaviors. On the other hand, many times acting in a couple or group gives them a sense of security and makes them feel that their aggressive behavior is acceptable.
6. Lack of social skills: There are those who find it difficult to bond and connect with others because they do not have the necessary social skills and, by failing to feel truly integrated, they often adopt aggressive patterns with the weakest in search of what they believe will be “acceptance” of the group.
Parents who suddenly realize that their child is bullying other children suddenly take a tremendous hit. The big question is: What to do if our son is one of them?
1. Detect it and accept that there is a problem. The first step is to detect and recognize it, which, although painful, is imminent in order to take action and help you.
2. Find the cause of their behavior. We must try to define when this situation is occurring with our child, see if there is any specific event that may have triggered their aggression, review the aspects mentioned above and if we discover what the cause may be, take immediate action, especially if they are within of family dynamics.
3. Take school complaints seriously. If the School lets us know that there is a situation with our son, it is essential to take it seriously and make a joint action plan that includes repairing the fault, constant supervision and apologies to whoever has been attacked.
4. Talk it over and define consequences. Once it has become clear that our child is having this type of behavior, we must discuss it with him, assess the scope of what happened, find together a way to correct the failure and define the consequences that he will have to face at home.
5. Consult a specialist. In some cases, it is best to request support from a specialist to detect what triggers this behavior, what changes should be made at the family level, such as being more consistent with the limits, etc; and to help him, through an intervention, to change those aggressive patterns, manage his anger, develop social skills, etc.
At the end of the road, a bully or aggressive child is alone, deep down and in the worst way, asking us for help….
You can read more articles similar to What is behind children who bully, in the Bullying category on site.
