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'There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one '(Sue Atkins) We know that There are no magic formulas or recipes in being parents, especially when it comes to teenagers. whose ability to push us to the limit is truly amazing; however, it is always good to be open to change some things and try to 'do better every day'.
Sometimes when we're really mad we are not aware of the impact our words can have on our children, and we end up saying things that we later regret. Here you will find a list of phrases that damage the relationship with teenage children, negative phrases that we should try to tell them.
During adolescence, Sometimes it's hard to control ourselves and we lose our nerve shouting or saying to our children things that we should not say ... That is why below we present a reflection on some of the phrases that can most damage not only our relationship with them, but also their self-esteem, their security, and the way they connect with the adult world:
1. 'I'm disappointed in you…': It is true that sometimes they can do things that disappoint us, but it is always important to refer to the behavior carried out and not to their person. We could change to "I was disappointed that you will make such a wrong decision, but I know that next time you will do the right thing."
2. 'You should be like ...': The comparisons are hateful; Whether it is a sibling or a friend, they can generate all kinds of negative feelings in teens, from insecurity to rivalry with "role models." Here it is about your child who is unique and unrepeatable with all that that implies. Maybe we would like it to do certain things differently, so let's put it in those terms and be specific without putting anyone as a reference.
3. 'Me at your age ...': This sentence is similar to the previous one, but here the model is us! It doesn't matter how exemplary you have been, they are NOT YOU, nor do they live in the same world that you lived in their time; therefore we cannot expect them to do things and act as we did.
4. 'It's not so bad ...':Sometimes we can feel that our children are reacting to certain events in an overwhelming way, so we release this phrase, hoping it can serve to moderate their emotion. Nothing could be further from the result; it only serves to make them feel that we don't even closely understand them. Underestimating their reactions can lead them to hold back and hide the way they really feel, gradually moving away from us. We can replace it with: "I imagine you feel very bad, but soon you will be better", "If I can help with something, here I am."
5. 'You are useless ...': No matter how bad things seem to be, this phrase can significantly damage the way your child not only relates to you, but the way they see themselves. Never rate him as useless, clumsy, obnoxious, etc. Refer to the behavior and what you expect of him.
6. 'I can't stand you ...':We can in a moment of rage think it, as we think thousands of things that we do not feel, but once in the air there is no going back. Let's not do it.
7. 'So nobody will love you ...': In this we not only speak for ourselves but for the world around them. Again, let's go to behavior and be clear on why it is important that you change it, but watch our words.
8. 'I don't like that friend for you ...': This phrase is difficult for our son to assimilate, who will surely find something that he likes in that friend. Better get closer to trying to discover what makes you special and trying not to judge only from our limited view of your relationship. If we still think that it is not a good friendship, let's help our son to discover it by making him notice those negative aspects.
There will be parents who say that their teenagers push them to the limit, however, let's not forget that adults are us And as a well-known phrase says, “let's watch our words when we are angry, we will have many opportunities to change our mood, but never to replace the words we said”.
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